these past couple of days, i've been super paranoid -- not about someone coming to murder me or something, but about germs and illnesses and stuff -- after i went searching around my grandma's room for something to wear to the upcoming christmas dinner slash family reunion. full transparency: the woman's been dead for almost 3 years now, so that room is only home to mice now, which means... well, you know. after i went down there last night i had convinced myself that somehow, by rummaging in the closet, i had gotten lice, because that's totally how that works. i realized i forgot a shirt i grabbed so i literally just went back down again to get it and i managed to knock both my butt and phone (used for light since we cut off the electricity down there via the breaker and idk how to work that thing) into something, so i immediately went to wash my hands, wipe down my phone with alcohol wipes, and change my pants. well apparently this still wasn't enough for me, so i made myself take a bath and wash my hair too. now i keep having to tell myself girl be calm and also hold myself back from anxiously google searching all the diseases that i just caught from just being in the same room as mouse shit.
i'm starting to think that my parents might've been right when they called me a germaphobe. might've. or maybe i just have some undiagnosed mental illness but i have a job so idrgaf about that rn.

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