hi diary it's me again. so october was.. i don't even remember actually because it so uneventful and went by so damn fast, but all that mundanity was actually just building up to a super shitty very last day of the month, so that balanced out i guess. i had stayed up til like 3am scrolling twitter because i just could not fall asleep for some reason, and when i woke up to pee literally not even 2 hours later i did what i usually do which is check my phone immediately because i am an addict. pressed the button and it didn't turn on. sure, it's done that before, no biggie. pressed again, nothing. ....ok. pressed for the 3rd time, and it felt like it was basically it telling me to go kill myself. anyways long story short it's (soft)bricked now, which out of the ~7 phones i've had in my life this is the 1st time i've ever had that happen. not really too surprised as i noticed the battery's gotten worse the past couple of months but it's still a punch in the gut. THANKFULLY last year when it seemed like everybody around me was breaking their phone (and my life was just complete and utter dogshit in general so i was absolutely not taking any chances) i screenshotted the note i made listing all my passwords and uploaded it to the ol' google drive so i was able to get my all my shit back at least; though i still wasn't smart enough to make like a whatsapp or a google voice so i have to communicate via email like it's fucking 1997 (how fake y2k enjoyers look when i tell them they have to email me:), and i literally have no idea when i'll be able to get a new phone because my biggest concern right now is not living on the street. i think my biggest fear at the moment is meeting my soulmate and we hit it off and then when she asks for my phone number i have to say "sorry but i don't have a phone" and she thinks i'm lying (because who doesn't have a phone in the big year of 2023) because i don't like her and i never see her again and then i die alone.
also now that it's november that means december (aka fafsa month) is coming up quick, and i should be touring cosmo schools this month but i'm nervous as fuckkkkk so i keep putting it off. i've been counting down the days til i can go but now that it's actually becoming a reality i'm like "hmm actually maybe i don't wanna do this!". will i man up and do this or will i let it be another opportunity that i let pass me by and end up hating myself over? find out next entry

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